been avoiding it for 3 months
my dad had a workshop in the garage. tools, half-finished projects, his workbench
been closed since december 31st
today i finally opened the door
what i found #
his last project was still on the bench. some kind of wooden box he was building. sanded halfway, pencil marks on the sides where he measured cuts
drill bits organized by size. hand tools hung on pegboard. everything labeled
he was precise about his tools. always put shit back in the right spot. always cleaned them after using
i’m the opposite. my server rack is a fucking mess of cables. monitors everywhere. nothing organized
we were different like that
the letter #
found a letter in his toolbox. dated november 2022. two months before he died
addressed to me. never sent
it was about his stock options. he’d been at the biotech startup for 8 years. options were about to vest in january 2023
letter explained the tax implications, when to exercise, how to minimize capital gains
he was planning to talk to me about it over christmas
they died december 31st. never had that conversation
options vested anyway in january. i sold them all in february. used the money to fund my trading account
$180k of that is gone now. tuition for learning to trade
don’t know if he’d be proud or pissed
mom’s stuff #
haven’t touched her things yet. still in their bedroom. clothes in the closet. makeup on the bathroom counter
can’t do it yet
dad’s workshop was easier somehow. tools are just tools. but mom’s stuff is different
therapist says there’s no timeline for this shit. you do it when you’re ready
i’m not ready for mom’s stuff
what i kept #
took his drill. nice dewalt cordless. might actually use it
took the wooden box. gonna try to finish it even though i have no idea what i’m doing
left most of the other tools. gonna donate them or sell them eventually
the letter’s in my desk drawer now
back to normal tomorrow #
spent most of today in the garage. now it’s almost midnight and i haven’t checked my positions
probably should do that before i sleep
trading is easier than grief
you know the rules with trading. sell premium when IV rank > 40. close at 50% profit. risk 2.5% per trade
grief doesn’t have rules. you just feel like shit randomly and can’t predict when
i prefer trading
-AK