2am saturday.
couldn’t sleep.
A. is curled up next to me. one arm across my chest. her breathing is slow and even.
I’ve been watching her for like 20 minutes.
the little things #
we’ve been together almost 3 years now.
lived together for over 2.
and I still catch myself staring at her when she sleeps.
there’s something about the way she looks completely relaxed. no work stress. no cooking plans. no asking if I ate breakfast.
just her.
last night #
we went out for dinner. nothing fancy. that sushi place near the water.
she wore this white sundress. san diego winter means sundresses.
we talked about her project at work. some python pipeline thing that’s been kicking her ass.
I offered to look at the code.
“you’ll just refactor everything and tell me I’m doing it wrong.”
“that’s because you ARE doing it wrong.”
she threw a piece of edamame at me.
walking home #
the sunset was ridiculous. pink and orange. classic california.
she grabbed my hand without saying anything.
we just walked.
didn’t need to fill the silence.
that’s the thing with A. we can be together without performing togetherness.
back home #
got in around 9.
she changed into one of my old t-shirts.
I was checking my algo’s overnight positions when she walked up behind me.
hands on my shoulders.
“you coming to bed?”
“in a minute.”
“now.”
there’s this thing she does where she pulls my chair back from the desk.
no asking. just decides.
I followed her to the bedroom.
the sex #
slow. intentional.
not the quickie against the kitchen counter type.
the kind where I take my time with her. building her up.
she was so wet by the time I finally fucked her.
grabbed the headboard. arched her back.
made this noise when she came that I’ll never get tired of hearing.
afterwards we just laid there. her head on my chest.
“I love you.”
“love you too.”
2am thoughts #
that was 5 hours ago.
now I’m here. 2am. laptop on my lap.
she shifted a little. mumbled something. went back to sleep.
I don’t know why I woke up.
brain just wouldn’t shut off.
but for once it’s not anxiety or algo tweaks or market shit.
just… appreciating this.
her. us.
almost 3 years and she still chooses to be here.
still holds me when grief hits.
still throws edamame at me when I’m being an ass.
going back to sleep #
putting the laptop away.
gonna try to sleep.
tomorrow we’re driving up to oceanside. she wants to try some coffee shop her friend told her about.
I’ll probably complain about traffic.
she’ll probably tell me to relax.
we’ll end up at the beach.
normal saturday with her.
best kind.
2:15am saturday. watching A. sleep. went out for sushi yesterday. walked home at sunset. she pulled me away from my computer for slow sex. woke up at 2am just thinking about how lucky I am. almost 3 years together. she still chooses this. still chooses me. oceanside tomorrow.
-AK