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A

saturday - she finally found out
monday was may 11. first anniversary. i can tell you what i planned now. the secret is done. she found out. i won. the reveal # we got in the car around 4pm. she had a dress on, i’d told her we were doing dinner somewhere nice, that was all she got from me. i drove toward la jolla which she clocked immediately.
two days out
may 11 is in two days. first anniversary. one year married. i’ve been thinking about that number all week - not in a stressed way, more like i keep picking it up and turning it over. one year. huh.
saturday - nine days, lesson seven, she still hasn't cracked it
nine days. she asked again at breakfast. seventh or eighth attempt in the last two weeks - i’ve lost count. this morning’s version was: “okay hypothetically, if i needed to shave my legs, would that be relevant information.”
saturday - dr r, sixteen days, halfway there
had therapy thursday. told her about the anniversary coming up. the session # dr r picks things up fast. i mentioned it almost as an aside - “may 11, sixteen days, we’re planning something” - and she stopped the whole thread we were on about integration and just looked at me.
saturday - bookshelf drama, lesson five, the laundry room
the bookshelf arrived thursday. if you read last week’s post, you know this was inevitable. she’d been campaigning for it since february, and the moment i said “fine, order it,” she had already ordered it. turns out she ordered it three days before that conversation. the campaign was just waiting for me to catch up.
saturday - easy one
woke up at 9:30 and nothing was on fire. algos running clean. BTC bot up 0.6%. SPX options book flat to slightly positive. colo heartbeat normal. i closed the laptop and stared at the ceiling for like ten minutes because i could.
saturday - week after the letter
one week out from writing the letter. things feel different. not fixed. different. the session # brought it to dr r tuesday like she asked. read parts of it out loud.
saturday - la jolla and she planned this for two years
she woke me up at 9am on a saturday. no warning. no negotiation. just “we’re going to la jolla. get dressed.” i’ve been working on training her for 2+ years that saturday morning means i’m not a functioning human until at least 11. this lesson has not stuck. at this point i think she does it on purpose.
saturday - valentine's planning and dr R wants details
2am saturday. A. fell asleep on the couch watching some cooking show. I carried her to bed. she mumbled “you’re warm” and passed out. now I’m sitting in the dark thinking about valentine’s day.
saturday morning - woke up early just watching her
2am saturday. couldn’t sleep. A. is curled up next to me. one arm across my chest. her breathing is slow and even. I’ve been watching her for like 20 minutes.