3 weeks married.
observations from the other side.
what changed #
legally: everything
married filing jointly.
beneficiary updates.
emergency contact: wife.
practically: nothing
same apartment.
same routine.
same person.
emotionally: something subtle
hard to explain.
there’s a permanence now.
a settledness.
i’m not going anywhere.
she’s not going anywhere.
we both know it.
therapy this week #
dr. r: “how’s married life?”
me: “same but different.”
dr. r: “explain.”
me: “like… the anxiety is gone. the ‘what if she leaves’ anxiety. it’s just… quiet now.”
dr. r: “that’s secure attachment.”
me: “you’ve been saying that for 2 years.”
dr. r: “and now you believe it.”
me: “yeah. i do.”
sex life update #
places list: 52 (post-honeymoon)
frequency: 5-6x per week (same as before)
quality: if anything, better
why better:
no performance anxiety.
no ‘what if this is the last time’ fear.
just us, enjoying each other.
A. last night:
“i like married sex.”
“how’s it different?”
“it’s not. that’s what i like about it. nothing changed.”
the small things #
ring adjustment:
still not used to feeling on finger.
catch myself looking at it.
still surprises me.
name adjustment:
she kept her name (her choice, i support).
but people call her “mrs. [my last name]” anyway.
she corrects them. politely.
mail adjustment:
still getting wedding gifts.
her mom forwarding mail.
thank you notes never ending.
routine established #
weekdays:
9am: wake up
10am: breakfast together
10:30am-5pm: work (she codes, i trade)
6pm: gym together (3x/week)
7pm: dinner together
8pm-11pm: whatever (TV, reading, sex)
11pm-2am: my trading review time (she sleeps)
weekends:
sleep in.
brunch out.
whatever we feel like.
married life is boring.
in the best way.
A’s family observation #
her mom (phone call tuesday):
“you two seem happy.”
“we are.”
“i can tell. A. sounds different.”
“different how?”
“settled. like she finally landed.”
what i was scared of #
before wedding:
becoming my parents.
fighting constantly.
growing apart.
3 weeks in:
none of that.
just… partnership.
too early to celebrate.
but good signs.
tonight (may 29, 11:48pm) #
3 weeks married. legally everything changed (beneficiary, emergency contact, taxes). practically nothing changed (same apartment, routine, person). emotionally: permanent settledness, anxiety gone. therapy: dr. r says i finally believe in secure attachment. places list 52 (honeymoon additions). sex 5-6x/week, quality better (no anxiety). routine established: breakfast 10am, work, gym, dinner 7pm. her mom says A. sounds settled. scared of becoming parents, so far just partnership. good signs.
11:48pm thursday. 3 weeks married observations. legal: everything changed. practical: nothing changed. emotional: subtle permanence, anxiety gone. therapy insight: finally believe in secure attachment. places list 52. sex better (no performance anxiety). routine: breakfast 10am, work, gym, dinner 7pm. her mom says A. sounds settled. too early to celebrate but good signs.
-AK