september done.
started crushing it. ended in flames.
final numbers #
goal: +$5,000
actual: +$1,330
missed goal by: -$3,670 (73.4% short)
account status #
sept 1 start: $358,450
sept 30 end: $359,780
gain: +$1,330 (+0.37%)
barely positive.
weekly breakdown #
week 1 (sep 1-7): +$1,480
week 2 (sep 8-14): +$1,340
week 3 (sep 15-21): +$850
week 4 (sep 22-30): -$2,340
first 3 weeks: +$3,670
last week: gave it all back plus some.
Figure 1: September weekly returns showing strong first 3 weeks then catastrophic week 4 collapse. Green bars = profitable weeks, red bar = disaster week.
strategy performance #
mean reversion:
- trades: 18
- wins: 12
- losses: 6
- win rate: 67%
- net: -$510
collapsed in week 4. went from 82% win rate to 67%.
momentum:
- trades: 15
- wins: 13
- losses: 2
- win rate: 87%
- net: +$3,180
still profitable but took 2 losses in week 4 (emotional trading).
crypto:
- trades: 14
- wins: 11
- losses: 3
- win rate: 79%
- net: +$1,660
saved the month. only reason september positive.
Figure 2: Strategy performance comparison for September. Crypto carried the month. Mean reversion went negative. Momentum profitable but declining.
what went right (weeks 1-3) #
1. momentum strategy validation
13 trades, 13 wins first 3 weeks.
perfect execution.
then emotions fucked it up week 4.
2. crypto research
started altcoin paper trading.
SOL, ADA, DOGE showing promise.
3. infrastructure upgrades
chicago colocation 1gbe → 10gbe.
latency improvements verified.
4. correlation analysis
identified mean rev ↔ momentum 0.68 correlation.
reduced position sizes appropriately.
5. relationship progress
A. and i became exclusive.
she agreed to move in november 1.
then i fucked it all up.
what went wrong (week 4) #
everything.
1. fight with A. (sept 24)
she handed me lease termination papers.
i panicked. asked for space.
she left.
haven’t seen her in 6 days.
2. emotional trading
can’t focus without her.
violated every rule.
revenge trading. oversized positions. ignored stops.
3. gave back 3 weeks gains
+$3,670 weeks 1-3.
-$2,340 week 4.
net: +$1,330 (useless).
4. momentum strategy damaged
took 2 losses week 4 after 13 straight wins.
both emotional trades.
5. mean reversion collapsed
67% win rate (was 82% after week 2).
6 losses total, 4 in week 4.
all emotional.
drawdown analysis #
Figure 3: September equity curve with drawdown. First 21 days smooth growth then -6.5% drawdown final week. Worst drawdown since March 2023.
max drawdown: -6.5% (week 4)
recovery time: TBD (month ended before recovery)
cause: emotional trading after fight with A.
lesson: relationships affect trading more than i admitted.
comparison to august #
august: +$6,340 (crushed goal)
september: +$1,330 (failed goal)
difference: -$5,010 worse
why: august = stable relationship, focused trading
september = relationship chaos, emotional trading
mistakes made #
1. traded through emotional crisis
should’ve stopped trading after fight.
kept going. made it worse.
2. increased position size when tilted
correct move: reduce to 0.25% or stop.
actual move: kept at 0.5%, amplified losses.
3. revenge trading
took 5 trades week 4 that filters blocked.
ignored system. chased losses.
4. relationship self-sabotage
pushed A. away when she tried to get closer.
exactly what therapy warned me about.
lessons learned #
1. don’t trade emotional
$2,340 lesson.
when personal life chaos = stop trading.
2. relationships > trading
thought i could separate them.
wrong.
if relationship broken = trading broken.
3. patterns repeat until you break them
pushed A. away like i pushed others away.
avoidant attachment.
costs me relationships AND money.
4. therapy homework isn’t optional
dr. r gave me tools to avoid this.
i didn’t use them.
paid the price.
october goals #
financial: +$3,500 (recover september losses)
personal: fix shit with A. or accept it’s over
trading: don’t trade tilted, stick to systems, reduce size when emotional
therapy: 2x per week until relationship/attachment shit resolved
what i’m doing tomorrow (oct 1) #
going to A.’s place.
telling her everything.
begging if i have to.
reflection on september #
started strong. ended disaster.
proved i can trade profitably when emotionally stable.
proved i can’t trade for shit when relationship chaos.
lost A. (maybe).
lost focus.
lost money.
need to fix one to fix the other.
looking ahead #
october starts tomorrow.
either with A. back or accepting she’s gone.
either trading clear-headed or staying sidelined.
can’t force it.
have to fix myself first.
11:58pm saturday. september done. +$1,330 but should’ve been +$5k. gave back $3,670 in week 4 emotional trading. going to A.’s place tomorrow. scared as fuck.
-AK