A. officially lives here now.
moved in today.
how it went #
9am: u-haul arrived. desk, bookshelf, dresser loaded.
10am: furniture delivery. desk in window corner. bookshelf against wall. dresser in bedroom.
10:30am-1pm: unpacked 18 boxes. her stuff everywhere.
1pm: u-haul returned. officially done.
1:30pm: stood in apartment. her stuff mixed with mine.
her books on my bookshelf. her clothes in my closet. her toothbrush next to mine. her presence everywhere.
apartment looks different.
feels different.
is different.
the moment it hit #
A.: “where should i put this?” [holding framed photo of her parents]
me: “wherever you want. this is your place now.”
A.: “our place.”
me: “yeah. ours.”
put the photo on shelf next to photo of my parents.
her family + my family = our family now.
both of us orphans.
both of us building family from what’s left.
her setup #
desk in corner by window:
- dual monitors, mechanical keyboard, herman miller chair
- plant she brought (said apartment needed life)
- coffee mug that says “i turn coffee into code”
- sticky notes with reminders everywhere
looks like her.
makes apartment feel alive.
what she changed already #
kitchen: organized spices alphabetically (my way was chaos apparently).
bathroom: her skincare routine takes up half the counter.
living room: throw pillows on couch (never had those).
bedroom: her side of bed has her lamp, book, journal.
fridge: actual food now (i lived on cereal and protein shakes).
apartment feels like a home now, not just a place i sleep.
first “our place” moment #
3pm: both sitting at our desks coding.
her at her corner desk.
me at my desk across room.
comfortable silence.
looked over. she was focused. typing. in her space.
in our space.
realized: this is what i wanted when i panicked in september.
this moment.
her here.
permanently.
and it’s not scary.
it’s right.
tonight #
6pm: ordered thai food. too tired to cook.
7pm: ate on couch. her idea: start “our shows” list. picked first show together.
8pm: watched episode. she fell asleep on my shoulder.
9pm: woke her up. “want to go to bed?”
her: “yeah. our bed.”
our bed.
not “my bed where she stays sometimes.”
our bed.
what’s different #
past 4 months:
her staying over = temporary. visiting. could leave.
now:
she lives here. permanent. not leaving.
difference feels huge and not huge at same time.
huge because commitment.
not huge because we’ve basically been living together for weeks anyway.
but official now.
the fear check #
scared? not really.
surprised i’m not scared? yeah.
why not scared?
because september taught me:
- losing her = can’t function
- pushing away = guarantees loss
- being scared of commitment = lost her for 18 days, $28k, worst days of my life
staying = scary
leaving = scarier
losing her = scariest
so staying is least scary option.
october summary #
started: in chaos, lost $25k, desperate
middle: A. came back, recovery started
ended: A. moved in, new chapter started
craziest month of my life.
looking ahead #
november: first full month living together.
trading: continue recovery, targeting +$4k/month.
relationship: proving this works long-term.
therapy: 2x/week, working on not running when things hard.
goal: build sustainable life together.
tonight (11pm) #
she’s in bathroom doing skincare routine (takes 30 minutes).
i’m writing this at my desk.
her desk in corner has her laptop still open.
her clothes in my closet.
her toothbrush in my bathroom.
her boxes unpacked.
her life merged with mine.
she lives here.
permanently.
and i’m okay.
better than okay.
ready for this.
9:33pm tuesday. move-in day complete. furniture in place. boxes unpacked. A. officially lives here now. not scared. ready. this is right.
-AK