thanksgiving done.
first holiday with A.
first holiday without parents.
different.
wednesday 11/22 - half day trading #
morning trades: 2 setups before early close.
- SPX put spread: +$420
- QQQ iron condor: +$380
day total: +$800
market closed 1pm ET.
thanksgiving day (thursday 11/23) #
market closed.
A. cooking all morning.
never seen her this focused.
turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, pie.
everything from scratch.
the meal #
2pm: sat down to eat.
just us two.
A.: “first thanksgiving together.”
me: “first thanksgiving without my parents.”
A.: “i know. you okay?”
me: “yeah. just… different.”
food was incredible.
she actually knows how to cook when she tries.
after dinner #
sitting on couch.
full from food.
A.: “you’ve been quiet all day.”
me: “thinking about last thanksgiving. parents were alive. had no idea it was our last one together.”
A.: “what was it like?”
me: “loud. mom cooked everything. dad told terrible jokes. i ate too much pie. normal family shit.”
A.: “sounds nice.”
me: “it was. didn’t appreciate it then. just seemed like another thursday.”
silence.
A.: “we can make new traditions. doesn’t replace what you lost. just… different.”
me: “like what?”
A.: “i don’t know. we figure it out. together.”
me: “this is the first holiday that felt okay since they died.”
A.: “yeah?”
me: “yeah. still sad. but not alone.”
the crying #
8pm: watching tv.
holiday commercial with family.
hit me.
started crying.
A.: didn’t say anything. just moved closer. held me.
me (after 10 minutes): “this is the part where most people run.”
A.: “i’m not most people.”
me: “mom would’ve liked you. would’ve taught you her recipes.”
A.: “i would’ve liked to meet her.”
me: “dad would’ve talked your ear off about coding. you two would’ve nerded out for hours.”
A.: “sounds like my kind of thanksgiving.”
me: “anniversary coming up. dec 31. almost a year.”
A.: “i know. i’ll be here.”
me: “it’s going to be bad. i can already feel it building.”
A.: “we’ll handle it. together.”
what i’m learning #
grief doesn’t disappear on holidays.
it gets louder.
but having someone there changes how it feels.
last thanksgiving: parents alive, took it for granted, normal day.
this thanksgiving: parents dead, with A., new normal.
both things true:
sad about what i lost.
grateful for what i have now.
her perspective #
A. (later that night): “you did good today.”
me: “i cried.”
A.: “yeah. but you didn’t shut down. you talked about them. that’s growth.”
me: “dr. r would say the same thing.”
A.: “dr. r and i are both smart.”
me: “and both hot.”
A.: “you’re not wrong.”
the places list #
after emotional night, needed connection.
me: “want to add to the list?”
A.: “here?”
me: “balcony. thanksgiving night. cold but memorable.”
A.: “you’re crazy.”
me: “you love it.”
A.: “i really do.”
places list updated: apartment balcony at night, thanksgiving 2023.
cold AF but worth it.
friday 11/24 - light trading #
market: short session (closes 1pm ET).
trades: 1 setup only.
SPX calendar spread: +$340
day total: +$340
low volume. everyone still in food coma.
weekend reflection #
thanksgiving week trading:
mon: +$2,740 tue: +$1,060 wed: +$800 fri: +$340
week total: +$4,940
november month-to-date: +$21,070
account status #
nov 21: $355,210
nov 24: $360,150
november gain: +$21,070 (+6.22%)
recovery status:
sept peak: $362,120
current: $360,150
still down: -$1,970 (-0.5%)
holy shit. $2k away from full recovery.
one good day = back to peak.
what this week taught me #
you can be sad and grateful simultaneously.
missed my parents.
grateful for A.
both true.
new traditions don’t replace old ones.
they coexist.
grief is seasonal.
holidays amplify it.
but having someone who doesn’t run makes it survivable.
looking ahead #
1 week left november.
$2k from full recovery.
december starting.
anniversary of parents’ death: dec 31 (5 weeks away).
already dreading it.
4:15pm saturday. first thanksgiving with A. first thanksgiving without parents. she cooked, i cried, we talked about them, added balcony to places list. trading light during holiday. $2k from full recovery. december starting. anniversary coming.
-AK