been dating A. for almost a month now.
sex is great. she’s confident, knows what she’s doing.
but there’s this fantasy i have and i don’t know how to bring it up.
the fantasy #
trading at my desk. big winning position open. watching it print money.
A. comes over. drops to her knees. pulls my dick out.
starts giving me head while i’m watching the trade climb.
close the position for +$2k profit while she’s sucking.
why this gets me off #
something about the combination:
1. control: managing a winning trade takes focus. getting head at same time = ultimate multitasking test.
2. power: making money while getting pleasure. two wins at once.
3. the desk setup: monitor showing profit climbing, her on her knees, me in my trading chair.
4. timing: blowing the biggest load of my life right when i close the position for profit. she’d be smiling after, knowing how much i liked it.
why i can’t tell her #
fear #1: she thinks it’s weird
what if she’s like “why the fuck would you want to mix trading and sex?”
fear #2: she thinks i’m using her
“oh so you just want me as an object while you trade?”
fear #3: ruins the relationship
things are going really well right now. why risk it with weird shit?
fear #4: lack of confidence
i’m 20 (just turned 20 on july 4th). she’s 23. more experienced.
what if she laughs at me?
what i’ve tried #
option 1: hint at it
me during sex last week: “would you ever… you know… while i’m working?”
her: “like have sex while you’re trading?”
me: “maybe”
her: “that’s kinda hot actually”
got scared and dropped it.
option 2: test the waters
asked her to come over during trading hours wednesday.
she showed up. i had position open.
chickened out. closed position before suggesting anything.
therapy session today #
saw Dr. R this afternoon (wednesday 2pm slot).
told her about the fantasy and fear of telling A.
Dr. R: “what’s the worst that happens if you tell her?”
me: “she thinks i’m weird and leaves”
Dr. R: “do you really think A. would leave over a fantasy request?”
me: “probably not”
Dr. R: “so what’s actually stopping you?”
me: “fear of rejection i guess”
Dr. R: “sounds like you already know the answer. communication or silence.”
A. is open minded #
she’s done other stuff i’ve suggested:
- letting me tie her up (she loved it)
- sex on the balcony at night (risky but hot)
- morning sex before market open (became regular thing)
so she’s not vanilla. probably wouldn’t think trading desk blowjob is that weird.
why i’m writing this #
maybe if i admit it here, i’ll get confidence to tell her.
or maybe this fantasy stays in my head forever.
the confidence problem #
why i lack confidence:
- she’s older (23 vs my 20)
- she’s more experienced (had 3 serious relationships, i’ve had… tinder hookups and J.)
- she’s objectively hotter than girls i usually date (8/10 vs my usual 6-7s)
- she has her shit together (career, own place, emotionally stable)
i feel like i’m punching above my weight with her.
what if asking for weird shit reminds her she could do better?
what i’ll probably do #
keep the fantasy to myself.
enjoy what we have now.
don’t risk fucking it up.
maybe in a few months when things are more stable.
trading update #
wednesday 7/5:
- TLT call spread: +$340
- GLD put spread: +$285
july total: +$840 (3 trades, 3 wins)
goal: +$3,500. need: +$2,660 remaining.
on pace.
mental state #
relationship is good.
sex is good.
trading is good.
but lacking confidence to communicate this fantasy.
probably overthinking it.
maybe one day i’ll tell her.
3:52am thursday. got fantasy about getting head while trading. too scared to tell A. maybe someday.
-AK