did it. told A. about the trading desk fantasy.
her reaction: “fuck yeah, when?”
how it happened #
she came over tuesday night.
after dinner, sitting on couch.
her: “you’ve been weird lately. what’s going on?”
me: “nothing”
her: “bullshit. you want to tell me something. i can tell.”
me: “it’s stupid”
her: “tell me anyway”
the confession #
me: “ok so… there’s this thing i’ve been wanting to try”
her: “what thing?”
me: “like… you know how i trade at my desk right?”
her: “yeah…”
me: “what if… while i have a winning position open… you gave me head under the desk”
her: [silent for like 5 seconds]
me: “forget it, that’s fucking weird—”
her: “no wait, that’s actually really hot”
me: “wait what?”
her: “yeah. when do you want to do it?”
my reaction #
literally did not expect her to say yes.
prepared for:
- “that’s weird”
- “why would you want that?”
- “are you using me?”
got:
- “that’s hot, when?”
the plan #
her idea (she took control immediately):
setup:
- wednesday morning (today)
- i’ll have position open (she doesn’t care which one)
- she’ll come over at 9:30am
- i’ll be at trading desk
- she’ll drop to knees and start
her only rule: “you have to actually manage the trade. no closing it early just to finish. i want you to multitask.”
fuck. that makes it hotter.
why she’s into it #
her: “i like that you have this whole separate world with trading. it’s hot that you’re making money while i’m doing that. power thing i guess.”
me: “so you don’t think it’s weird?”
her: “babe, i literally asked you to tie me up last month. this is tame.”
fair point.
this morning (wednesday 7/12) #
she showed up at 9:30am.
i had SPX call spread open, up $180 unrealized.
she walked in. kissed me. dropped to her knees.
so fucking hot. literally can’t believe this is happening.
she starts and i’m trying to focus on the trade but holy shit.
position climbing. $180… $210… $245…
her rhythm is perfect. i’m managing to track the spread but barely.
$270… almost at target…
i’m about to lose it. closed the position at $295 profit.
blew my load and i swear my whole body was shaking.
she looked up at me after, smiling. she knows i loved it.
multitasking made it way hotter than i imagined.
after #
her: “how was the trade?”
me: “up $295”
her: “good. and how was i?”
me: “fucking perfect”
her: “we’re doing this again”
me: “yes”
why i was scared to ask #
looking back, all my fears were bullshit:
fear: she’ll think it’s weird reality: she thought it was hot
fear: she’ll think i’m using her reality: she’s into the power active too
fear: she’s more experienced and will judge me reality: she’s experienced enough to be open minded
fear: it’ll ruin the relationship reality: brought us closer, now we communicate better about sex
the lesson #
spent 2 weeks scared to tell her.
took 30 seconds to ask.
she said yes immediately.
all that fear was wasted energy.
Dr. R was right: communication or silence.
chose communication. won.
trading impact #
wednesday morning:
- SPX call spread: +$295 (the fantasy trade)
wednesday afternoon:
- TLT put spread: +$340
july total: +$1,921
goal: +$3,500. need: +$1,579 remaining.
mental state #
confident. relieved. happy.
told her the thing i was scared to tell her.
she said yes.
relationship stronger now.
trading back to green (yesterday was red day, today made it back).
this is what honesty looks like.
what’s next #
she wants to do it again “next time you have a big winner.”
already excited for next winning trade.
also: impressed with how mature A. is. we can communicate our fantasies so well.
need to ask her what her fantasy is. only fair.
proved to myself i can communicate hard shit.
going to therapy tomorrow (thursday 2pm with Dr. R).
can’t wait to tell her i actually did it.
4:48am wednesday. told A. about fantasy. she said yes. did it this morning during winning trade. fucking incredible.
-AK