moved in november 1.
today april 23.
5.5 months living together.
works.
what therapy revealed (tuesday 4/23) #
dr. r: “almost 6 months living together. how’s it going?”
me: “good. really good actually.”
dr. r: “you sound surprised.”
me: “kinda. never lived with anyone before. thought it’d be harder.”
dr. r: “what makes it work?”
me: “she doesn’t need constant attention. comfortable with silence. both introverts.”
dr. r: “what about the friction you mentioned early on?”
me: “still there. her mess, my OCD, bathroom schedule. but manageable.”
dr. r: “manageable how?”
me: “we negotiate. i clean common areas, she keeps her desk chaos. bathroom rule: first one up gets 30 minutes. coffee mugs: each have 3 designated. works.”
dr. r: “you’re problem-solving together instead of fighting.”
me: “yeah. she suggests solution, i tweak it, we try. if fails, adjust.”
dr. r: “that’s mature partnership.”
exactly.
what’s actually working #
separate workspaces:
my desk: trading setup, 3 monitors, organized AF
her desk: coding setup, 2 monitors, papers everywhere, coffee mugs
both in same room but different corners.
she codes.
i trade.
comfortable silence for hours.
no interference.
morning routine:
4am: i wake up, she sleeps
6:30-10am: i trade, she wakes 9:30am
10am: breakfast together
locked routine.
evening routine:
5pm: both finish work
6pm: gym (she runs, i lift)
7:30pm: dinner (she cooks, i clean)
8-10pm: her on laptop, me reviewing backtests
10pm: usually sex
11pm-midnight: sleep
predictable. stable.
the sex life #
still best sex either of us has had.
completely open about everything.
fantasies, limits, desires.
bondage, dom/sub (we switch), toys, anal, role play.
zero shame.
total trust.
the places list continues:
added 3 new places this month.
her car (parking garage, late night).
gym bathroom (quickie, almost caught).
balcony again (different position, she rode me facing the view).
keeps it exciting.
friday night (april 19) #
good trading week.
up $17k month.
came home in great mood.
A.: “you’re happy.”
me: “yeah. crushing it this month.”
A.: “i can tell. less stressed lately.”
me: “strategy working. tested it march, executing april. feels different.”
A.: “different how?”
me: “not gambling. systematic. proven edge.”
A.: “that’s why you’re calm about it.”
she’s right.
september 2023 big wins = manic energy.
april 2024 big wins = calm execution.
emotional growth maybe.
the mess negotiation #
ongoing issue:
her desk = disaster zone.
papers, coffee mugs, random cables.
drives me insane.
my desk = pristine.
everything has place.
cables managed.
monitors aligned.
compromise:
her desk chaos = fine.
common areas = clean.
works.
i clean living room, kitchen, bathroom.
she keeps her desk however she wants.
boundary respected.
cooking lively #
A. loves cooking.
tries new recipes constantly.
i’m picky AF.
like what i like.
her strategy:
makes new thing.
if i try it and like it: adds to rotation.
if i don’t like it: doesn’t make again.
sometimes uses sex as reward for trying new foods.
usually works.
this week:
made some indian curry thing.
A.: “try it.”
me: “looks weird.”
A.: “try it and i’ll do that thing you like later.”
me: “…fine.”
tried it.
actually good.
she did that thing later.
both happy.
comparing to past relationships #
M., K., S., J. (before sept 2023):
- never lasted >6 months
- always had exit strategy
- got bored quickly
- they wanted traditional relationship shit
- i wanted freedom
A. (june 2023 - present):
- 10 months together, 5.5 living together
- no exit strategy
- not bored
- she doesn’t want traditional shit either
- both want independence within relationship
difference:
she doesn’t chase so i don’t run.
therapy insight:
dr. r calls it “secure attachment.”
first time i’ve had that.
parents’ death context #
14 months since they died.
grief mostly integrated now.
not consuming.
still hits occasionally:
random memory.
quiet moment.
her family dinner (reminds me what i lost).
A. handles it well.
doesn’t try to fix it.
just present.
holds me when needed.
gives space when needed.
that’s all i need.
bathroom schedule solution #
early problem:
both needed bathroom 6:30-7am.
conflicts daily.
solution:
first one up gets 30 minutes uninterrupted.
second person waits or uses other bathroom.
works perfectly.
i’m usually up first (4am).
she wakes 9:30am.
no conflict.
weekends: she’s up first sometimes.
i wait.
fair system.
coffee mug territorialism #
ridiculous problem:
we both have favorite mugs.
kept using each other’s.
minor annoyance became daily friction.
solution:
each designated 3 mugs.
hers: purple, black, white.
mine: gray, navy, black.
off limits to other person.
fixed stupid problem.
tonight (10:48pm) #
sitting on couch.
A. coding on new keyboard (valentine’s gift).
i’m writing this.
comfortable silence.
no need to talk.
just… here.
5.5 months living together.
works.
separate spaces in same room.
respectful boundaries.
mutual support.
great sex.
first relationship where i’m not planning exit.
she saw me completely broken (september $28k disaster).
stayed.
that matters.
10:48pm tuesday. 5.5 months living together. works because: separate workspaces, comfortable silence, boundaries respected, great sex, she doesn’t chase so i don’t run. therapy revealed secure attachment pattern. mess negotiation ongoing. cooking compromise working. not planning exit for first time.
-AK