valentine’s day.
first one living with someone.
first one that didn’t feel forced.
morning (6:30am) #
woke up 4am as usual.
A. still sleeping.
traded 6:30-10am.
3 trades, 2 wins. +$840.
she woke up 9:30am.
came out to trading desk with coffee.
didn’t say anything.
just sat on couch behind me while i finished last trade.
that’s the shit that matters.
breakfast (10:15am) #
A.: “good morning. happy valentine’s day.”
me: “you too. made $840 this morning.”
A.: “nice. i made reservations for tonight. 7:30pm.”
me: “works. where?”
A.: “that italian place you like. the one with the steak.”
me: “perfect.”
A.: “also i got you something.”
me: “i got you something too.”
A.: “you actually remembered?”
me: “don’t sound so surprised.”
what i got her #
mechanical keyboard.
custom keycaps.
purple and black (her favorite colors).
$340.
she’s been using shitty laptop keyboard for her python work.
drives me insane watching her code on that thing.
practical gift.
what she got me #
new monitors.
dual 32" 4K.
$1,100.
my current setup: mismatched monitors from 2021.
been bitching about it for months.
she paid attention.
afternoon setup #
spent 2 hours setting up new monitors.
cable management.
color calibration.
workspace optimization.
A. set up her keyboard.
typing sounds satisfying AF.
she’s been coding on it all afternoon with huge smile.
mutual gift success.
therapy context (last session 2/13) #
dr. r: “valentine’s day tomorrow. first one living together. how are you feeling?”
me: “fine. it’s just a day.”
dr. r: “A. expecting anything?”
me: “probably. she made dinner reservations.”
dr. r: “and you?”
me: “got her a keyboard. she needs it for work.”
dr. r: “practical gift. does she know you well enough to appreciate that?”
me: “yeah. she gets it. we’re not flowers and chocolate people.”
dr. r: “how’s different from past relationships?”
me: “M., K., S., J. - they all wanted traditional romantic shit. got offended when i didn’t do it.”
dr. r: “and A.?”
me: “she made reservations at the place with steak. not some fancy romantic shit i’d hate. she knows me.”
dr. r: “mutual understanding.”
exactly.
dinner (7:30pm) #
restaurant not crowded surprisingly.
valentine’s day usually nightmare.
appetizer: calamari (shared)
her main: pasta with seafood
my main: ribeye, medium rare, perfect
wine: she had red, i had water (trading tomorrow)
conversation topics:
- her new work project (data pipeline optimization)
- my february trading (choppy, adapting)
- weekend plans (none, just rest)
- gym routine adjustments
no forced romance.
just comfortable.
comparing to past valentine’s days #
2023 (with J.):
she wanted expensive dinner, flowers, jewelry.
i bought flowers, took her to overpriced restaurant.
she complained flowers were wrong type.
broke up 2 weeks later.
2022 (with S.):
“forgot” valentine’s day on purpose.
she was pissed for a week.
proved my point that holiday is bullshit.
also broke up shortly after.
2024 (with A.):
practical gifts we both wanted.
steak dinner at normal restaurant.
home by 9:30pm.
both happy.
growth maybe?
or just found right person.
back home (9:45pm) #
A.: “best valentine’s day i’ve had.”
me: “same. low bar though.”
A.: “why’s that?”
me: “usually hate this holiday. forced romance. overpriced everything.”
A.: “i like that we just did normal us. steak and keyboards.”
me: “you get it.”
A.: “i do. also…”
me: “yeah?”
A.: “list?”
me: “…on valentine’s day?”
A.: “why not? we’re already breaking tradition.”
me: “fair point. where?”
A.: “new monitors. your desk. right now.”
me: “you want to fuck at my trading desk?”
A.: “i want you to fuck me at your trading desk while we both stare at those new 4K monitors.”
me: “…that’s fucking hot.”
trading desk (10:15pm) #
cleared everything off desk.
she was bent over it.
fucked her from behind.
both of us watching those new monitors.
she came hard, i came right after.
places list updated: trading desk, valentine’s night, new monitors, stared at 4K screens the whole time.
what makes this different #
she understands:
- trading stress
- need for routine
- practical over romantic
- comfortable silence
- that sometimes i need space
i understand:
- her work obsession
- need for friday alone time
- cooking as stress relief
- that she processes differently
mutual respect.
living together check-in (3.5 months) #
moved in: november 1, 2023
current: february 14, 2024
what’s working:
- separate workspaces (essential)
- breakfast together every morning
- dinner together most nights
- gym schedules aligned
- both introverts who get it
what’s still friction:
- her mess vs my OCD
- bathroom schedule conflicts
- coffee mug territorialism
- her loud music while cooking
- my late night keyboard typing
but manageable friction.
nothing relationship-ending.
comparing to september #
september 2023:
relationship new (3 months).
not living together yet.
she left for 18 days.
i spiraled completely.
lost $28k trading emotionally.
february 2024:
living together (3.5 months).
relationship stable.
market choppy but managing it.
she’s here.
stability = everything.
grief check #
parents died december 31, 2022.
14 months ago.
valentine’s day = nothing special grief-wise.
mostly processed.
occasional background moments but manageable.
dr. r calls it “integration.”
grief doesn’t disappear.
just becomes part of normal instead of consuming everything.
accurate.
tonight (11:15pm) #
sitting on couch.
A. next to me coding on new keyboard.
i’m writing this.
first valentine’s day that felt real.
not performative.
not forced.
just… us.
steak, monitors, keyboard, sex at trading desk.
this is what works.
11:15pm valentine’s day. first one living together. practical gifts - keyboard for her ($340), dual monitors for me ($1,100). steak dinner, home by 9:30pm, fucked at trading desk staring at new 4K screens. comfortable. real. no forced romance. she gets it. living together 3.5 months, working.
-AK