saturday night with A.
asked her what her fantasy is.
her answer: not what i expected.
how i brought it up #
after dinner at her place.
me: “so i told you my fantasy and we did it. what’s yours?”
her: “mine?”
me: “yeah. only fair. what do you want to try?”
her: [thinking for like 30 seconds]
her: “ok. but don’t judge me”
her fantasy #
her: “i want to watch you trade. like actually watch you make decisions in real time during market hours. see how you think.”
me: “wait what? that’s not sexual”
her: “i know. but it’s hot to me. watching you focus and make money. that whole world you have that i don’t fully understand.”
me: “so… you want to sit there while i trade?”
her: “yeah. and maybe after you close a winning position, we celebrate. but mainly i just want to watch you work.”
why this surprised me #
expected:
- threesome
- public sex
- role play
- something kinky
got:
- wants to watch me trade
why she’s into it #
her: “you get this look when you’re focused. intense. in control. it’s hot watching you in your element.”
me: “i’m literally just staring at a screen and clicking buttons”
her: “to you yeah. to me it’s watching you do something you’re really good at. competence is sexy.”
we’re doing it monday #
her idea: come over monday morning at 9am.
sit on the couch behind my trading desk.
watch me trade for 2 hours.
if i close a winner: we celebrate.
if i close a loser: she stays quiet, lets me process.
comparison to my fantasy #
mine: sexual + trading combined
hers: voyeuristic, watching competence
both involve trading.
different angles.
what this says about her #
she’s into:
- watching me succeed
- competence/mastery
- understanding my world
- supporting my work
green flags all around.
therapy thursday #
told Dr. R about asking A. her fantasy.
Dr. R: “and what was it?”
me: “she wants to watch me trade. not even sexual. just watch me work.”
Dr. R: “that’s actually very intimate. she wants to see you in your element.”
me: “yeah i guess. didn’t think of it that way.”
Dr. R: “shows she’s interested in all of you, not just the physical.”
fair point.
trading update #
monday 7/24:
- (will trade with A. watching)
saturday 7/22: +$315 (crypto position closed, finally positive on crypto)
july total: +$4,021
beat goal by $521 already.
mental state #
impressed with A.
her fantasy shows maturity and interest in who i am.
not just physical attraction.
she wants to understand my world.
relationship keeps getting better.
3:18am sunday. asked A. her fantasy. she wants to watch me trade. doing it monday morning. different but intimate.
-AK