living with A. 7 months now.
routine completely locked.
works perfectly.
the daily schedule #
10:00am: wake up
both night owls.
trading algorithms run 24/7.
i check overnight performance over coffee.
10:30am: breakfast together
A. cooks (she’s good at it).
i clean up after.
11:00am-6:00pm: separate work time
me: monitoring algos, tweaking code, backtesting
her: python dev work for her company
separate desks across room.
her desk by window (she likes natural light).
my desk against wall (triple monitors, no glare).
7:00pm: dinner together
she cooks again (tries to get me to try new shit).
i’m picky AF.
sometimes she uses sex as reward for trying new foods.
usually works.
8:00pm-11:00pm: together time
couch, tv, talking, fucking, whatever.
11:00pm-3:00am: my solo work time
she goes to bed.
i review trading day, optimize strategies, write code.
this routine = 7 months straight.
zero deviation.
works.
what’s actually different from living alone #
good stuff:
breakfast/dinner together = structure
someone notices if i’m stressed about trading
sex whenever (no planning, no logistics)
her cooking > my microwaved bullshit
friction:
her mess vs my OCD organization
bathroom schedule (she takes forever)
coffee mug territorialism (we each have “our” mugs, don’t touch the other’s)
her loud music when cooking drives me insane
the coffee mug thing #
this is real:
i have 1 mug. black, plain, perfect size.
she has 1 mug. white with some design, smaller.
rules (unspoken but enforced):
don’t use the other person’s mug.
happened twice:
march: i used her mug (mine was dirty, didn’t feel like washing).
she gave me shit for 2 days.
may: she used mine (same excuse).
i was annoyed but tried to be chill.
now we just wash our own mugs immediately.
stupid territorial bullshit.
but it matters somehow.
workspace separation works #
her desk (corner by window):
- macbook pro
- single monitor
- plants
- coffee cup always there
- papers everywhere (drives me insane)
my desk (against wall):
- triple 27" monitors
- custom PC workstation
- perfectly organized
- cables managed
- zero clutter
we don’t look at each other during work.
perfect.
she codes in silence or with headphones.
i code in silence.
both productive.
sex life still incredible #
7 months in, still best either of us has had.
what makes it work:
complete honesty about wants/fantasies/limits.
no shame.
total trust.
she takes charge (decides when/where).
places list update:
now at 18 places.
recent additions:
- target dressing room (she was quieter this time)
- parking garage downtown
- her company office (late friday night)
goal: 50 by end of year.
currently: 18.
pace: on track.
therapy insights (6/5 session) #
dr. r: “7 months living together. how’s it going?”
me: “good. routine locked. works.”
dr. r: “any friction?”
me: “coffee mug thing. her mess. bathroom schedule. normal shit.”
dr. r: “how do you handle it?”
me: “talk about it. compromise. mostly she compromises because i’m more OCD.”
dr. r: “and sex life?”
me: “still incredible. 18 places on the list now.”
dr. r: shifts in chair “you two are very… adventurous.”
me: “yeah. works for us.”
dr. r seemed turned on by details again.
both A. and i notice when she does that.
it’s whatever.
the breakfast routine #
A’s rule: try one new thing per week.
this week: shakshuka (eggs in tomato sauce, middle eastern thing).
me: “looks weird.”
A.: “try it or no head today.”
me: tries it
me: “…actually good.”
A.: “told you. bedroom, now.”
this is how she gets me to try new foods.
100% effective strategy.
what surprised me about living together #
expected: loss of freedom, feeling trapped
reality: more freedom (no logistics for seeing each other)
expected: constant fighting over space
reality: separate workspaces solved it
expected: sex life would decrease
reality: better and more frequent (convenience + comfort)
expected: i’d want my own place back
reality: this works way better than alone
the “i love you” thing #
first said it october 2023.
7 months ago.
still say it daily.
usually:
morning when waking up.
leaving apartment (rare, we’re both home 90% of time).
before bed.
sometimes random:
after great sex.
when she does something thoughtful.
when i’m coding and she brings coffee without asking.
feels natural.
not performative.
just true.
comparing to previous relationships #
before A:
longest relationship: 4 months (M., early 2023)
usual duration: 6-8 weeks
pattern: player lifestyle, got bored, moved on
physical descriptions: always focused on that
actual connection: minimal
with A:
duration: 11 months total (7 living together)
pattern: first relationship i’m not planning exit
connection: actually care about her beyond sex
physical: still hot AF (blonde, fit, great tits) but that’s not why it works
difference: she doesn’t chase, so i don’t run.
what dr. r says about us #
6/5 session continued:
dr. r: “this is secure attachment. rare for you.”
me: “what’s that mean?”
dr. r: “you usually have avoidant patterns. run when things get close. A. doesn’t trigger that.”
me: “why?”
dr. r: “she gives you space. doesn’t need constant attention. comfortable with silence. understands your work. holds you when you need it but doesn’t smother.”
me: “yeah. that’s exactly it.”
dr. r: “keep doing what you’re doing.”
the trading stress factor #
when i lose money:
before A.: spiraled alone, revenge traded, made it worse
with A.: she notices, asks if i want to talk or be alone, respects answer
when i make money:
before A.: celebrated alone or with random girls (shallow)
with A.: she’s genuinely happy, understands what the win means
having someone who gets it = huge.
she’s not a trader but understands stress.
helps.
the friday alone time rule #
A’s request (started march):
friday nights she needs alone time.
her explanation:
“i love you. living together is great. but i need 4 hours per week completely alone. friday 8pm-12am is mine. you go to your desk, i do whatever i want. no interaction.”
my response: “okay.”
what she does:
watches shows i don’t care about.
calls her friends.
does her own thing.
what i do:
code at my desk.
trade review.
optimize strategies.
works perfectly.
everyone needs alone time.
even when living together.
bathroom schedule solved #
problem: she takes 45 minutes every morning.
solution: i use bathroom first (10 minutes), then she has it.
compromise: she wakes up 15 minutes earlier to accommodate.
been working since april.
communication > fighting.
tonight #
7 months living together.
routine locked: breakfast 10:30am, separate work, dinner 7pm, together time evening, she sleeps 11pm, i code until 3am.
coffee mug territorialism = real.
workspace separation = essential.
sex life = still incredible (18 places).
friday alone time = her rule, works great.
this is sustainable.
first relationship i’m not planning exit.
10:15pm saturday. living together 7 months review. routine completely locked - breakfast together, separate work desks, dinner together, her bedtime 11pm / my code time until 3am. coffee mug territorialism. friday alone time rule (her request, works perfectly). sex life incredible (18 places list, goal 50 by year end). dr. r says secure attachment, rare for me. not planning exit strategy for first time.
-AK