9 months living with A.
november 1 to august 10.
routine completely locked.
daily pattern (weekdays) #
10am: wake up together.
10:15am: breakfast (she cooks most days, i clean).
11am-7pm: both working (separate desks, minimal interruption).
7pm: dinner together (she cooks, i clean).
8pm-11pm: couch time (her coding, me reading or server maintenance).
11pm-2am: my main trading review time.
varies: sex (she initiates ~4x/week, always surprising timing).
midnight-1am: sleep.
works perfectly.
what changed since month 1 #
month 1 (november):
still negotiating space.
lots of “is this okay?”
testing boundaries.
sex 2x/day (new relationship energy).
month 9 (august):
zero negotiation needed.
complete comfort.
established patterns.
sex 4-5x/week (still fantastic but scheduled-ish).
difference:
month 1 = exciting uncertainty.
month 9 = comfortable certainty.
both good, different phases.
coffee mug situation (resolved) #
months 1-6:
ongoing stupid argument.
she’d use my favorite mug.
i’d get annoyed.
she’d say “it’s just a mug.”
i’d say “it’s MY mug.”
month 7 breakthrough:
bought her identical mug in different color.
now we each have “our” mug.
stupid solution to stupid problem.
but it worked.
her mess vs my OCD (ongoing) #
still friction:
she leaves clothes on floor.
i need everything organized.
her desk = organized chaos.
my desk = everything labeled.
current compromise:
her corner = her rules.
my corner = my rules.
shared spaces = my OCD wins (she agreed).
works 90% of time.
10% we still argue about it.
sex life after 9 months #
places list: 22 (up from 20 july 4).
new additions:
august 3: parking garage downtown (quickie after dinner, almost got caught).
august 8: her office after hours (she has keys, desk sex, fucking hot).
frequency: 4-5x/week avg.
quality: still incredible.
why it works:
complete honesty about fantasies.
zero shame discussing limits.
switch dynamics (she dominates sometimes, i dominate sometimes).
toys, bondage, role play, public play - all discussed openly.
best sex either of us has had.
9 months in, not declining.
therapy check-in (august 7) #
dr. r: “9 months living together. how’s it feel?”
me: “comfortable. routine locked. works perfectly.”
dr. r: “comfortable can be code for boring. is it boring?”
me: “nope. sex is still fantastic. we still surprise each other. just… predictable in good way.”
dr. r: “predictable in good way is secure attachment.”
me: “you’ve said that before.”
dr. r: “because it’s still true. you’re not running. that’s growth.”
me: “marriage thought is still there.”
dr. r: “still persistent?”
me: “yeah. thought about it 4-5 times since birthday.”
dr. r: “have you mentioned it to her?”
me: “nope. too soon.”
dr. r: “is it though? you’ve been together over a year total, living together 9 months.”
me: “feels too soon. what if i’m wrong?”
dr. r: “what if you’re right?”
didn’t have answer to that.
what makes A. different #
previous girlfriends (M., K., S., J.):
hot.
great sex.
got bored after 2-6 months.
always had exit strategy.
A.:
hot (blonde, fit, great body).
best sex ever.
9 months in, NOT bored.
no exit strategy.
difference:
she doesn’t chase so i don’t run.
comfortable with silence.
understands my work.
gives space when needed.
holds me when grief hits.
first relationship since parents died where i’m thinking YEARS not weeks.
comparing to expectations #
june 2023 (met A.):
expected: 2-3 months max like always.
september 2023 (exclusive):
expected: maybe 6 months total.
november 2023 (moved in together):
expected: we’ll see how long this lasts.
august 2024 (9 months living together):
reality: thinking about marriage.
completely unexpected.
friday alone time rule #
still enforced:
every friday 6pm-midnight = her time alone.
she goes out (friends, gym, whatever).
i stay home (trading review, server work, alone time).
why it works:
prevents codependency.
gives her space.
gives me space.
8 hours/week apart = healthy.
what annoys me (honestly) #
her morning routine takes 45 minutes (i’m ready in 10).
she talks during movies (i need silence).
she’s a night person, i’m a night person but earlier (conflict at 2am when she wants to talk).
minor shit.
nothing relationship-ending.
what she probably finds annoying about me #
OCD about organization.
need things done specific way.
sometimes shut down emotionally (grief hits randomly).
trading stress bleeds into home life occasionally.
she hasn’t complained but i know it’s there.
the marriage question #
thought about it:
july 4 (twice).
july 18 (once).
august 2 (once).
august 9 (twice).
6 times total since birthday.
not going away.
question is WHEN not IF.
no plan yet.
but thinking about it seriously.
tonight (august 10, 3:45pm) #
saturday afternoon.
A. out with friends (friday rule extended to saturday).
me alone, writing this.
9 months living together.
routine locked.
coffee mug issue resolved (stupid but real).
sex life still incredible (places list: 22).
marriage thoughts persistent.
comfortable certainty replacing exciting uncertainty.
both good phases.
no exit strategy.
thinking years.
different from every relationship before.
first time i’ve thought “this might be it.”
3:45pm saturday. 9 months living with A. (nov 1 - aug 10). routine completely locked. coffee mug situation finally resolved. sex life still incredible (places list: 22, 4-5x/week). marriage thought occurred 6 times since birthday july 4. therapy: dr. r asked “what if you’re right?” about marriage. no answer. comfortable certainty phase. thinking years not weeks.
-AK