wedding planning intensity ramping.
trading calm by comparison.
interesting contrast.
this week’s planning chaos #
tuesday (nov 12):
A’s mom wants 60 people not 40.
we want small (40 max).
3 hour phone call negotiation.
ended: 45 people compromise.
wednesday (nov 13):
caterer quotes came back.
$120/person minimum (!!!)
for beach casual?
A. stressed AF.
i suggested food trucks instead.
her mom almost had stroke.
compromise: buffet style, $85/person.
thursday (nov 14):
photographer wants $4,500.
for 4 hours.
my reaction: build algorithm that auto-captures good moments cheaper.
A’s reaction: “you’re not automating our wedding photos.”
fair.
booked photographer $4,500.
comparing wedding stress to trading stress #
trading stress:
algo loses money → debug code → fix → move on.
measurable problem.
clear solution.
wedding stress:
people have opinions.
emotions involved.
no “optimal solution.”
A’s mom vs my preference = no algorithm fixes this.
therapy session (nov 13) #
dr. r: “wedding planning. how’s it going?”
me: “chaotic. A’s mom wants big, we want small. caterer expensive. photographer expensive. everything expensive.”
dr. r: “you’re handling it?”
me: “yeah. trading taught me: can’t control everything. pick battles. compromise on caterer, hold firm on guest count.”
dr. r: “that’s growth. year ago you’d have bailed on relationship over this stress.”
me: “year ago i bailed over way less. now? wedding stress annoying but worth it.”
dr. r: “worth it because?”
me: “because A. is it. rest is just logistics.”
exactly.
what A. doesn’t see #
she’s stressed about:
guest list.
catering costs.
photographer prices.
her mom’s opinions.
what i’m stressed about:
none of that.
i’m stressed about:
making sure she’s happy.
parents being dead (no family my side).
being enough for her family.
told dr. r this.
her response: “have you told A.?”
me: “no.”
dr. r: “maybe you should.”
probably right.
the dead parents thing #
A’s side:
parents excited.
mom planning everything.
dad offering to pay (we declined - i got money).
brothers giving me shit about “ball and chain” (normal).
my side:
nobody.
venue capacity: 45 people.
A’s family: 30 people.
my side: 5 friends from UCSD days.
10 empty seats that should’ve been my family.
hits randomly.
what makes this different from past relationships #
before A.:
relationship stress = instant exit planning.
any friction = looking for door.
with A.:
wedding planning chaos.
expensive everything.
her mom’s opinions.
my dead parents grief.
and i’m still here.
still certain.
growth.
tonight’s fight (resolved) #
11pm tonight:
A. melting down about invitations.
her mom wants formal.
we want casual beach vibe.
she’s crying.
me: “fuck the invitations. let your mom pick. doesn’t matter.”
her: “it does matter! it’s our wedding!”
me: “okay. then we pick. casual. done.”
her: “but my mom—”
me: “your mom isn’t marrying me. you are. casual invites. done.”
her: crying harder (good crying now).
sex after: incredible.
makeup sex »> wedding planning stress.
places list update #
added this week: venue site after booking (risky, venue owner almost walked in).
total now: 27 places.
wedding venue technically our 27th place.
A. thought this was hilarious.
i love her.
what trading teaches about wedding planning #
lesson 1: can’t control everything
markets do what markets do.
wedding planning has opinions everywhere.
adapt.
lesson 2: pick battles
not every losing trade matters.
not every wedding detail matters.
guest count = matter. invitation font = don’t matter.
lesson 3: stay calm under pressure
trading taught emotional control.
wedding planning testing it.
passing so far.
lesson 4: partnership
trading solo.
wedding planning together.
A. and i are team.
tonight (nov 14, 1:43am) #
wedding planning ramping.
expensive everything.
A’s mom has opinions.
my parents dead (grief hits random).
but still certain about A.
logistics stressful but worth it.
she’s it.
1:43am thursday. wedding planning chaos this week. venue 45 people compromise. caterer $85/person buffet. photographer $4,500. A’s mom wants formal, we want casual beach vibe. fought about invitations tonight, resolved (casual wins). trading stress measurable/fixable, wedding stress emotional/negotiable. dead parents thing hits random (10 empty seats my side). but still certain. A. is it. places list: 27 (venue site post-booking). makeup sex incredible.
-AK