christmas shopping today.
wedding stress building.
interesting contrast in priorities.
today’s mall trip #
A.’s shopping list:
gifts for her parents ($400 budget).
gifts for her brothers ($200 budget).
something for me (wouldn’t tell me).
my shopping list:
gift for A. ($800 budget - engagement ring box idea).
total spent: $1,420
A’s reaction: “you spent too much on me.”
my response: “you’re marrying me in 5 months. deal with it.”
her response: crying (good crying), then sex in mall parking garage.
places list: 28.
wedding planning update #
booked this week:
florist ($1,200 - A’s mom insisted on “real” flowers).
DJ ($800 - casual beach vibe music).
still need:
invitations (A. wants casual, her mom wants formal - ongoing war).
officiant (thinking friend from UCSD, A’s mom wants “professional”).
may 2025 = 5 months out.
stress ramping.
A’s mom vs our vision #
her mom wants:
60 people (we compromised to 45).
formal invitations with calligraphy ($8/invite).
professional photographer ($4,500 - already booked).
“real” florist not grocery store flowers.
we want:
beach casual vibe.
simple invitations ($2/invite).
small intimate ceremony.
current score:
A’s mom: 2 (photographer, florist)
us: 2 (guest count, DJ casual)
invitations battle ongoing.
what trading teaches about wedding planning #
lesson 1: can’t optimize everything
trading: optimize sharpe, accept drawdowns.
wedding: optimize what matters, let rest go.
flowers matter to A’s mom, don’t matter to me.
let her win = relationship capital.
lesson 2: stop losses apply to arguments
trading: stop loss prevents spiral.
wedding planning: know when to concede prevents fights.
formal invitations not worth 3 hour fight.
just pick one and move on.
lesson 3: variance is everywhere
trading: win rate varies 29-92%.
wedding planning: A’s stress varies daily.
accept variance, stay steady.
therapy session (12/11) #
dr. r: “wedding 5 months out. stress level?”
me: “A’s at 8/10 stress, i’m at 3/10.”
dr. r: “why the difference?”
me: “she cares about details. i care she’s happy. details don’t stress me.”
dr. r: “and her mom?”
me: “her mom cares about everything. losing some battles intentionally to keep peace.”
dr. r: “strategic concessions. like trading position sizing.”
exactly.
full size on guest count (matters), half size on flowers (doesn’t matter).
what A. doesn’t know #
she thinks i’m calm about wedding because:
“you’re just laid back about everything.”
actual reason i’m calm:
already decided she’s it.
rest is just logistics.
venue could burn down, i’d marry her at courthouse.
ceremony = bonus.
her = everything.
places list update #
added this week:
mall parking garage (today).
her parents’ house bathroom (christmas party last weekend - risky AF).
wedding venue storage room (went to check on setup, couldn’t resist).
total: 28 places.
A’s comment: “we’re running out of places in san diego.”
my response: “challenge accepted.”
sex life through wedding stress #
stress impact:
A. initiates more when stressed (wedding planning = lots of stress).
sex frequency up 40% since engagement.
this month:
14 times (vs normal 10/month).
correlation:
wedding stress ↑ = sex frequency ↑
interesting pattern.
dr. r’s theory: “sex is her stress relief. trading is yours.”
probably right.
money conversation we had #
A. last night:
“we’re spending too much on wedding.”
me: “we’re spending $12k total. i have $440k in trading account. it’s fine.”
her: “but you lost $2,600 this month so far.”
me: “december is variance. ytd up $77k. wedding is $12k. it’s fine.”
her: still worried.
interesting:
she tracks my trading performance.
didn’t realize she watched that close.
kind of hot actually.
christmas with her family #
plan:
christmas eve at her parents (dinner, overnight).
christmas day breakfast then back to san diego.
my stress:
first christmas since mine died (2 years).
her family = reminder my family gone.
A. knows this.
planning:
her parents invited 2 of my UCSD friends to christmas dinner.
didn’t have to do that.
means a lot.
what marriage means now vs 6 months ago #
6 months ago (june):
marriage = theoretical concept.
thinking about it occasionally.
now (december):
marriage = may 2025.
venue booked.
dress ordered.
invitations being designed.
theoretical → real.
still certain though.
tonight (december 14, 5:22pm) #
christmas shopping done.
$1,420 spent (mostly on A.).
wedding planning stress building.
A’s mom winning some battles (florist, photographer).
we’re winning others (guest count, casual vibe).
invitations war ongoing.
may 2025 = 5 months out.
places list: 28 (mall parking garage, her parents’ bathroom, venue storage room).
sex frequency up 40% (wedding stress → sex relief).
she’s tracking my trading performance.
kind of love that.
5:22pm saturday. christmas shopping $1,420 (mostly A’s gift). wedding planning stress ramping - her mom wants formal, we want casual beach vibe. current score tied 2-2. may 2025 wedding 5 months out. places list 28 (added mall parking garage today). sex frequency up 40% since engagement (stress relief pattern). A. tracks my trading losses this month, didn’t know she watched that close. christmas eve at her parents - first christmas since mine died.
-AK